MAP x A Tiger Cub, Part I - The Cost of Being ‘Exceptional’

For some, the phrase “model minority” might sound like a compliment at first. After all, who wouldn’t want to be seen as hard-working, high-achieving, and successful?

But peel back the layers, and you’ll find that this seemingly positive stereotype is anything but harmless. In fact, it’s a burden — one that flattens our diverse experiences, masks real struggles, and pits marginalized groups against each other.

Where Did This Myth Even Come From?

The “model minority” myth didn’t appear by accident. It was born in the 1960s during the Civil Rights era, weaponized in media and politics to showcase Asian Americans as a “success story.” Articles like “Success Story: Japanese American Style” painted a convenient narrative: if Asians could achieve the American Dream through hard work and quiet perseverance, why couldn’t other minorities?

What gets left out of this narrative? The fact that immigration policies in the mid-20th century specifically selected Asian immigrants with high education or professional skills. The success stories weren’t accidents of culture — they were the result of deliberate gatekeeping. And yet, the myth persists.

The Hidden Costs of Being “Exceptional”

For the Asian American community, being labeled as “exceptional” often means:

• Mental health struggles go unseen. Depression, anxiety, and trauma are dismissed because “you’re doing so well.” Many suffer in silence, afraid to shatter the illusion of success.
  

• Diversity within our community is erased. Southeast Asian, Pacific Islander, and refugee experiences are often overshadowed by a monolithic image of affluence and academic excellence.
  

• Speaking up becomes harder. When your community is portrayed as the “model,” advocating for your needs feels like betraying that image. We are taught to minimize, endure, and “not make waves.”
  

• Racism is downplayed. Anti-Asian hate, microaggressions, and systemic barriers are often dismissed because “Asians are doing fine.”
  

The Emotional Toll: A Personal Reflection

Many of us grew up absorbing this myth before we even had the words to name it. We learned that worth was measured in GPA points, that love was shown through achievement, and that failure was not an option.

But what happens when we inevitably stumble? The shame cuts deeper. The loneliness intensifies. We struggle to ask for help, afraid that admitting hardship will make us less “good,” less “Asian,” less worthy.

This isn’t just an individual burden. It’s a community wound.

Breaking the Cycle at Home: What Asian Parents and Children Can Do for Ourselves and Each Other

Dismantling the model minority myth doesn’t just happen on big stages or in policy debates. It begins in our homes, in our relationships, in the small, daily choices we make to protect our emotional well-being and give our children something better.

Here’s how we can start to free ourselves—and each other—from the weight of being “exceptional”:

1. Give Yourself and Your Children Permission to Rest

Rest is not laziness. It’s resistance.
When we glorify constant productivity, we teach our children that their worth depends on what they do, not who they are. By modeling rest—without guilt—we show them it’s safe to pause, to breathe, to exist without having to “earn” their place.

2. Redefine Success Beyond Perfection

Perfection is an impossible goal, yet many of us were raised to chase it. Let’s rewrite what success means in our families: effort, growth, kindness, emotional courage.
When we praise our children’s curiosity, problem-solving, or resilience—not just their grades—we teach them their value is multifaceted.

-Parent practice: Start dinner conversations by asking, “What did you try today that felt hard?” instead of “What did you achieve today?”

3. Protect Your Mental Health from the Burden of Representation

It’s exhausting to feel like you’re carrying the weight of proving your worth—for your family, for your community, for all Asians.
Parents, give yourself permission to put that burden down. You don’t need to be the perfect role model to be a good one. You need to be a present, healthy, human one.

-Self-compassion reminder: “I do not have to be exceptional to be worthy of rest, love, or respect.”

4. Make Emotional Honesty Part of Family Life

Growing up, many of us weren’t taught to name feelings beyond “fine” or “bad.” But emotional honesty is a powerful antidote to shame and silence.
Modeling vulnerability—sharing when you feel overwhelmed, disappointed, or proud—teaches children that emotions are safe and normal.

-Family practice: Try a “feelings check-in” where everyone shares one emotion they felt today and what helped them cope.

5. Teach Boundaries Around Comparison and External Pressure

The myth thrives on comparison—always being measured against others. Teach your children (and remind yourself) that their path is unique.
It’s okay to set boundaries with relatives, teachers, or even community expectations that push harmful narratives.

-Script for parents & kids: “That might be important to others, but it’s not how we measure success in our family.”

A Final Thought

The truth is, we don’t owe anyone “exceptionalism.” We are allowed to be human — flawed, vulnerable, and still worthy of care.

When we let go of the impossible standards imposed on us, we create space for something far more powerful than perfection: authenticity, connection, and healing.

Want to hear more about what this feels like from the inside?

Read Eric Chang’s (Founder of A Tiger Cub) powerful reflection in our next blog post — a raw and moving piece about growing up under the weight of the model minority myth and learning to reclaim your voice.